As I was standing in front of the judge many emotions proceeded to give me a nudge,
my heart sank and the tears rolled down my face as if I was trying to fill a river. I knew I
was going to be jailed for the bad decision that I had made when I decided to get behind
the wheel of my vehicle. After my sentencing I was escorted to the booking room where
they proceeded to take my fingerprints, height, and my photo. After this procedure was
finished I was lead down this long gloomy hallway where the noises was most frightful to
me since I had never experienced anything like this. I could hear a jingle sound coming
from the jailors keys that he was carrying, the rattle of the handcuffs that seemed to be
tightening around my wrists, and the heavy door slamming behind me. The noises sent
echoes off the concrete walls and shivers down my spine. This experience of being
incarcerated seemed to me to be the most horrible, scariest, and loneliest place to be.
I often remember how being incarcerated made me feel. I hope to never be in that
horrible place again. As I entered the cell there were four slabs of metal attached to the
concrete walls one of these slabs were my bed. On that bed was a thin green mattress
that was only an inch thick maybe two and a pillow that showed no comfort at all. The
one blanket that the jailor had given to me was not enough to keep me warm in a place so
cold. The privacy I had was very little. The shower and toilet was located in the corner of
the cell but they were not isolated enough to where the other inmates could not see me.
I undressed and dressed inside the shower to have some privacy. I even tried to have
privacy by hanging up a blanket from one corner of a wall stand to another but I got in
trouble by the jailor. All of these things just seemed so horrible and degrading to me.
My first few nights being in the cell called J-1 was scary. There were three other
woman in the cell that was always yelling or fighting over ridiculous things like the
television. Around the corner I could hear the accused killer Cowboy Mike always
singing the country songs that he liked so much or the banging of his coffee cup against
the bars of the cell when he was angry. One time he even used the shower curtain rod to
try to escape from his line cell. Even further down the line there was an accused rapist
and of course he had to put his two cents in by always screaming that the devil was
coming after him. All I could think is how scary this was and I wanted out. Not two
days from now nor thirty days I wanted out right then!
I was separated from the outside unable to touch or hold the people that were so
dear to me. It was a lonely feeling; I would hate to see anyone experience such loneliness.
Even though we did have visits it was never the same as being on the other side. When
my family did come to visit the jailor would escort me to the visiting room. It only
consisted of an outside lawn chair, a glass window, and a phone. The visiting periods
were only fifteen minutes, which seemed like only two. Sitting behind the window
was hard to cope with since the only time I could even get close to my family is when I
put my hand on the glass where there hand would meet mine. Yes, just like in the movies.
The most painful part was seeing how much I hurt my children and not being able to hold
or take care for them like a parent is supposed to do. I will never allow this empty feeling
to enter my life again or my families.
Life is definitely an experience being incarcerated. I know now that I do not want to
enter that cell called J-1 ever again because life is to important to feel horrible, scared, or